Cid and Edea's Love Child
by Silver Child
Summary: Lets just say that is has something to do with Seifiepoo... Seifer. Also slight saifuu. That's why it's also a romance. VERY FUNNY though!


Cid and Edea's Love Child  
  
  
(I don't know why I wrote this; my friend warned me, gave me the idea, then warrned me   
again.)  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the story, Seifer and Fujin. Okay, the gunblade and   
the shirouken. Fine, Fujin's glass eye. Alright, I don't own the eye, just the story. But   
seriously, if I really did own them, would I be writing stupid fanfics on stupid things? No,  
I would actually put the stupid ideas in the stupid game (Which would have been better if   
Seifer was more villianish and if Selphie actually created a Train Song Album (It's all about the trains,   
baby.) and then writing smart stories.  
  
"SSSSSHHHHHIIIIIITTTTT!!!!"  
  
Life was depressing. No really, life really sucked. Have you ever had one of those days   
when everything went so right, then BAM!!!!!!!! (Wow, eight exclamation points on   
impulse) It all crashed?  
  
  
You've probably met Seifer Almasy then, right?  
  
  
  
  
  
Seifer woke up that morning happy. (Yes, not content, sexually aroused or excited for   
blood, he was HAPPY!!!!) He began to do his usual things, (Putting on clothes, (don't you   
'aw man' me) brush his teeth, run his hands through his hair, shoot the picture of Squall on   
the bullseye board on his wall, etc.) He went to the breakfast table, where Fujin, (his   
oh-so-devoted-servant) put out the paper, (without the Sports section) the mail, eggs and   
eggos, (with the cute smiley face syrup) etc. Raijin had his head in the toilet, literally,   
because Fujin flushed his 'supposed dead fish' thinking that it really was dead. (And since   
this was Fujin, I can assure you personally, without being killed by her, that the fish wasn't   
dead) Unfortunately for him, Fujin also purposely flushed down his FIXING TOILETS   
FOR DUMMIES VOLUME VIII, so that was a total bust.  
  
  
Yes, Seifer was happy, jubilant even.  
  
  
Until he read the morning news.  
  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRGGGGG!! TO   
HELL AND BACK NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"   
  
  
Fujin, who had been sewing, looked up at Seifer. "WRONG, WHAT?"  
  
  
Raijin had his head stuck in the toilet bowl and was trying to talk through the water,   
saying something suspiously like "Seifer-help-me-ya-know!"  
  
  
"Come on, we gotta go to Garden." Seifer and Fujin left with Raijin's head stuck   
in the toilet bowl.  
  
  
  
  
So, let me get this straight," Seifer said, "Your my parents?"   
  
  
Edea looked pleased and Cid pulled out a wedgie. Then he offered his hand to Seifer."  
  
  
"Welcome to the family, son." He said. Fujin's pale face was turning from red to white   
very quickly with held in laughter.  
  
  
Seifer ignored the contaminated hand. He turned to Edea.  
  
  
"How? How in Hell are you my mother?"  
  
  
"Well, don't you remember?" Edea said. "'We were pour and broke honey, and a man give   
us a farm up in Canada."  
  
  
"But we couldn't bring along no baby." Cid added.  
  
  
"We loved you, Seifie, (Fujin turned bright purple and red) but we had to leave you   
behind." Cid shook his head to Edea's comments until Edea casted silence and sleep on   
him and he kind of bobbed back and forth before falling like a bowling pin.  
  
  
"Cut the Annie lines, I'm not your son!" Fujin was now turning purple to blue from not   
breathing.  
  
  
Little Orphan Seifie!!!! Awwwwwwww!!!!! Fujin thought, while stomping a foot on the   
other one. This turned into a weird dance that made her go all around the room.  
  
  
"Honey, you must remember something!" Edea was holding her 'son' stroking his head.   
Seifer was looking very uncomfortable. That's about the time when Fujin erupted. (and her   
laughter sounded something like this)  
  
  
"HA, HA. HA, HA. HA, HA. HA, HA. HA, HA. HA, HA." Soon her face was back to   
normal.  
  
  
"There's just one thing I don't understand, uh, 'Mom'." Seifer said. That's right, Seifie....   
Seifer. He thought. Hey, Seifie's kinda cute. Shut up!!!!!! "Why did you put the add in the paper,   
now?"  
  
  
"That's easy, son." Cid said abruptly while getting up after using an Potion on himself.   
"We didn't want to scare you. We also made up your last name. A stands for Amazing, L   
stands for Leonhart, M stands for Matron, A stands for Athens (Fujin's supposed last   
name. I still think Athens is Raijin's and Kazeno is Fujin's) S stands for Squall and/or Seifer   
and Y stands for You!!!" Fujin was turning weird colors again.   
  
  
So his name is ... Amazing Leonhart (HAHA) Matron, Athens (OH YEAH!) Squall/Seifer   
You?!?!? What the hell is wrong with this story? Fujin thought.  
  
  
"Why don't you, umm, get some rest on it and leave mommy and daddy alone."  
  
  
Yeah, so you guys can conceive... chance another horror story. Like FFVIII, by the way,   
does that story ever end? No Seifer, fanficiton writers get bored. (Shudder) Seifer   
thought.  
  
  
Seifer opened the door to leave, when The Muppet Baby Gang fell into the room.  
  
  
"Hee, hee, hee." Squall and co. looked up. Seifer and Fujin looked down, Seifer with one   
hand on Hyperion, Fujin on Shirouken.  
  
  
"You children play outside. Matron will get angry if you break her furniture. Seifiepoo,   
give Mommy a kissipie!!." She held out her cheek. Seifer looked reluctant. (That's an   
understatement, he looked repulsed.)  
  
  
The MP Gang leaned forward. (Or upward? How do you do that?!?)  
  
  
"Do I have to?" Seifer pleaded.  
  
  
"Seifie, you don't want Mommy Matron to get sad or," Mommy Matron looked into   
Seifer's eyes, "Angry, do you?" She had that Screw-and-Die look in her eyes. One muscle  
under her eye was actually twitching.  
  
  
Seifer made a face.  
  
  
Fujin was amused.  
  
  
Squall and co. was tearing.  
  
  
"No, I don't want to make.... Mommy Matron angry." Seifer said  
  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! You said MOMMY!! Who's the CHICKEN-WUSS   
NOW!!!! WHO'S YOUR MOMMY? BOOYAKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Selphie and Zell   
began to dance their 'Booya Victory' dance. (It's just like the hamsterdance)  
  
  
Seifer vowed to make him eat those words.  
  
  
"And who do you love?" Edea looked like she was enjoying torturing Seifer.   
  
  
"I love... I love...."   
  
  
Edea got the weird eyes again.  
  
  
"I LOVE YOU, MOMMY MATRON!!!!!!!!!!" Seifer said quickly.  
  
  
"BOOOOOOOOOYYYAAAAAKKKAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
  
(how, when or if Zell breathed during that process, I'll never know.)  
  
  
"Now kiss your Mommy," Seifer bent down a little and quickly kissed his 'mommy' on the   
cheek. Zell looked like he was about to pee in his pants, he was so happy.  
  
  
Seifer decided that now was the right time for some serious butt-whopping.  
  
  
"Mommy Matron, can little Seifiepoo go out and play?" Seifiepoo asked sweetly.   
  
  
The Muppet Baby Gang held their breath. This looked like a good time to run.  
  
  
"Waaaaaiiiiiiittttt!!! You must kiss your Daddypoo!!!!" Cid said, walking toward Seifie.  
  
  
Everyone was quiet. No one made a sound, though people were turning shades of colors   
not known to mankind.   
  
  
That is, until, Squall snickered.  
  
  
Which caused Rinoa to giggle.  
  
  
Then Irvine chuckled.  
  
  
That caused Selphie to tee-hee.  
  
  
Which made Quistis snigger.  
  
  
That made Fujin laugh.  
  
  
Then it made Zell roar out with pent up laughter.  
  
  
"Omigod!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You-hee-hee-have, oh Hyne-to-tee   
hee-kissy-wissy-hahahaha-Cid-Cid-Ciddypoo!!!!   
MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!"  
  
  
"Mommy Matron, Zellypoo is being mean!" Seifer made a sad face.  
  
  
"ZELL!" Mommy Matron wasn't happy about her Seifiepoo being sad. Her eyes flared.  
  
  
"OH CRAP!!!" Zell said and the Muppet Baby Gang ran out.  
  
  
"Mommy and Daddy, Seifiepoo gotta go play with his friends. Seifie feel better now!   
Come on, Fujiepie, we gotta go play with Muppy Baby Gangiepies!" Seifer or Seifiepoo   
said with his voice high and skipped out of the room. Fujin or Fujiepie looked back at her   
demented friend in horror before mumbling (how does she mumble?) out of the office.  
  
  
When Fujin left the office, Seifer was leaning on the wall by the door, smiling.  
  
  
And smiling ment butt-slashing and shin-whoppings. (Either that, or Seifer found his  
porno magazine that he had been looking for for eight friggin' months. This wasn't likely,   
so Fujin thought it was probably the first.)  
  
  
"NOW?"  
  
  
"Now." Seifer turned to down the hall. "OH ZELLY CHICKEN-WUSSPIE? COME   
OUT TO PLAYIEA!!!!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
After some serious ass-kicking, Fujin and Seifer began to walk home (The motel) with   
Seifer rambling on about how he was going to give Zell stars by his name on 'The List'.   
On the way back, Fujin stopped short.  
  
  
"What's the matter?" Seifer walked back.  
  
  
"QUESTION."  
  
  
Oh no, he hated this game. It was like the time, when Fujin and Raijin asked him if he liked   
alcohol when he was thirteen and it ended up with him drinking Abstince, going on about   
a green fairy and singing 'Vous Le Vouku C'est Avec Moi, Ce Soir?' Just that one line,   
over and over again, until Matron caught him and spanked him in front of the whole   
Garden with his pants down. He had the mark on his butt to prove it.  
  
  
"Yeah?" he asked tentively.  
  
  
"YOU, MARRY. HAVE, KID. BABY, SORCER-PERSON?"   
  
  
Seifer never thought about that. If he did have a kid, would it have powers like Edea?   
Thank god he wasn't with Rinoa anymore. Oh the horrors he would have faced. The   
second Rinoa, a follow-up of FFVIII. (Shudder)  
  
  
"Yeah, I guess so. Does that make me a Sorcerer?" Seifer wondered. "That would mean   
I'm my own Knight."  
  
  
"PATHETIC."  
  
  
"Yeah, your right. Hey, Fuj? Are you doing anything tonight?"  
  
  
"NEGATIVE."   
  
  
"Wanna see a movie?"  
  
  
  
"NEGA.....AFFIRMATIVE." She realized Seifer was asking her out on a date, sort of,   
because she knew that they would end up going to see Moulin Rouge (FOR THE   
NINETH FRIGGIN' TIME!!!) while throwing half melted Junior Mints at children's   
heads. Then afterwords, the would go to the motel and part ways into their own rooms   
and that would be that. But she was with Seifer, and that's all that mattered.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Umm, guys, get me out of here, ya know! It's dark and wet and, hey, DeadFishyLand!!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~9 months later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
"HOLY CRAP!!! HOW? DID? I? LET? YOU? DO? THIS? TO? ME?" And enraged   
Fujin broke up her words to Seifer as she pushed through another contraction.   
  
  
  
She actually knew. Seifer had taken her to the movies, then to Galbadia Pub, then they   
fundamentally sparred like horny squirrels on steroids.  
  
  
She was in the Garden Infirmary giving birth to her baby, because Raijin insisted that she   
had her child there and since she couldn't kick him, (She hasn't been able to kick him for   
six months, which Raijin used as a time to let his legs heal (They were out of Potions)  
Raijin hoisted a complaining Fujin out of the bed, with Seifer trailing, and to Garden,   
where he yelled that there was a bun in Fujin's oven really loud, making the Muppet Baby   
Gang, Edea and Cid help her into the Infirmary.   
  
  
Which is why Selphie was at her bedside, telling her about cute, little, bunny suits Seifer   
wore as a baby (courtesy of Edea and Cid) before Fujin yelled.  
  
  
"Don't worry, Fujiepie! Your doing great!!!" Edea said. She was wearing a cap that said   
Mother Of Seifer A.L.M.A.S.Y. (Which, by the way, the Garden figured out what it ment.   
(Squall still has nightmares) and a shirt that had Seifer and Fujin's faces on it. On the  
bottom she wrote this:  
  
  
I AM THE GRANDMOTHER SEIFIEPOO AND FUJIEPIE'S LOVE CHILD!!!!   
  
  
  
Cid was trying out Squall's tight, leather, pants. In other words, he so badly wanted to   
pull out his wedgie, but couldn't because they were too tight. He also wasn't wearing a   
shirt on account of it was laundry day. (The reason why he was wearing Squall's pants. He   
asked for a shirt, but Squall drew the line.) He held a camera to his eye and watched Dr.   
Kadawaski 'toy around with Fujin's area.'  
  
  
"So, like, the bunny suit, was cute, but, like, I saw this so cute miniskirt you would look   
sooooooooooooooooo cute in!" Selphie babbled.  
  
  
"YEAH! Like, I saw it too, in the Galbaldia Mall. It was adorable, ya know!!!" Raijin   
joined in.  
  
  
"Wasn't it, it was so, like, BOOYAKA!!" Selphie exclaimed.  
  
  
"Yeah, it was like, so, totally, COOLYA, YA KNOW!!" Raijin yelled with her.  
  
  
Fujin looked as if she was going to murder someone. In a feeble attempt, she raised her   
foot about three inches and almost said RAGE, before another contraction kicked in and   
her RAGE turned into a scream.  
  
  
Seifer took note of this.  
  
  
"Hey Raijin?" He tapped him on the shoulder.  
  
  
"Yes?" Raijin almost turned.  
  
  
"RAGE!!!" As Raijin turned, a fist connected with his mouth and he fell to the floor   
unconscious.  
  
  
"Wow, that was actually fun."   
  
  
Fujin went ^___^ before 0____@ (@ is the eyepatch) with pain.  
  
  
Exactly three hours, twenty six minutes and sixteen seconds later, Mira Illusion   
A.L.M.A.S.Y. was born. She had light brown hair, red eyes and was being held by   
Seifiepoo.  
  
  
"Awww, my Miripokie!" Edea cooed.  
  
  
"We named her Mira Illusion?" Seifer asked Fujin.  
  
  
"Edea has a thing about Mirrors (or walls) and you slept with me when we saw Moulin Rouge for   
the nineth time, and Satine also had a thing about Mirrors so I kind of put them together."   
Fujin spoke normally to her husband.  
  
  
"So, she is a Sorceress?" Zell asked Edea.  
  
  
"Technically yes, will she be as strong as me or Rinoa... it's almost definant."  
  
  
"Great, another Edea." Irvine mumbled. Then got kicked in the head by Selphie.  
  
  
"RAGE...tee hee, this is fun!!"  
  
  
So everyone began to RAGE each other.  
  
  
That was, until, Fujin got up and blew everyone (Including the unconsious Raijin) out   
with windspells.  
  
  
"RAGE!!!"   
  
  
"Hey Fuj, should she have an eyepatch?" Seifer asked. Fujin thought about this, before   
shaking her head.   
  
  
"NO. LOOKS, BEATRIXISH." Fujin replied.   
  
  
Seifer guessed she was right. After all, we wouldn't want her to look too Fujinish. Of   
course, he valued his life, so he never said things out loud, like the unconsious toilet boy.   
Yes, everything was fine.  
  
  
Until... Squall ran in, screaming.  
  
  
"Seifer, I'm your brother!!!!"   
  
  
"SSSSSHHHHHIIIIIITTTTT!!!!"  



End file.
